The Time a Guy Got Asked to Leave the Casino for Being Too Drunk
This guy wasn’t too drunk, he was casino-level drunk. There’s a difference. Too drunk is when you're pissing on a church fence and calling it baptism. Casino drunk is when you're slurring blackjack strategy at a Korean dealer and tipping her Hot Cheetos.
He had crushed five Jack and Cokes in under 90 minutes because he thought it was happy hour and was celebrating a $12 win on a digital craps machine. That’s not public intoxication. That’s momentum.
Around 1:47 AM, he apparently leaned too hard on the roulette table. It was less of a lean and more of a full-body swan dive. That’s when a security guard with the body of a retired powerlifter and the soul of a DMV clerk tapped him on the shoulder and said, “Sir, we need to speak with you.”
He tried to explain that he was in the middle of manifesting a jackpot and asked if he could puke now or later. No response. A second security guy arrived and used the word “voluntarily,” which he clearly took as a personal challenge. He then screamed “freedom of expression” as they dragged him out like a drunk toddler from a Chili’s birthday party.
According to witnesses, he left behind a $0.38 cash-out ticket. But he claimed he left with dignity. And that, dear reader, is technically priceless.
You know the story. She looks cute. She’s smiling and happy, getting a few drinks together. Take her home, and then, whoops!
Is it a coincidence that debauchery and the word debacle are very similar?