Official complaints filed against employees of the Sports Betting Division. All complaints are real. All names have been changed to protect the guilty.
On January 11, 2026, during a live quarterly earnings call with institutional investors, Derek M. was observed watching the Celtics-Bucks game on his phone beneath the conference table. At approximately 3:47 PM EST, the Celtics scored to go up by 6 with 40 seconds remaining. Derek's bet required a 5.5-point cover.
Derek stood up, knocked his water onto the VP of Finance's laptop, and shouted, verbatim: "COVER THE SPREAD, BABY. COVER. THE. SPREAD." He then attempted a chest bump with the CFO, who did not participate in the chest bump. The investor call was still live. Seventeen people heard this. One of them manages $4 billion in pension funds.
Derek's defense was that "the Celtics covering is good for everyone's retirement." This was not accepted by HR or by the SEC representative who called the next morning.
Severity: CriticalDerek was moved to a windowless office and banned from all meetings with external parties. His phone is now held by his manager during business hours. The Celtics covered. Derek considers this a net positive. HR does not.
On January 6, Marcus hit a 5-leg NFL parlay for $2,800. This is, objectively, a good thing for Marcus. What was not a good thing was what happened next.
Marcus printed the winning bet slip on the color printer (wasting approximately $3.40 in premium ink), laminated it using the HR laminator (which is for HR documents only), framed it using a frame he purchased from Michaels during his lunch break, and hung it in the break room above the coffee machine. He then placed two small electric candles on either side. He referred to this arrangement as "The Shrine."
When asked by Jennifer L. to remove the shrine, Marcus asked if this constituted religious discrimination. It did not. When told it did not, Marcus asked if he could at least keep one candle. He could not. The shrine was operational for 6 hours before removal. During that time, four other employees were observed bowing to it, which created a secondary HR concern.
Severity: MediumThe shrine was removed. Marcus was given a formal reminder that the break room is "a shared, secular space." The laminator now requires HR approval for use. The frame was moved to Marcus's desk, where it remains. The candles were confiscated and are being held by facilities management.
On December 30, 2025, Rachel submitted an expense report totaling $1,847.00 under the category "Professional Development - Industry Research." Attached were 23 losing bet slips from DraftKings and FanDuel, a $12.99 charge for a handicapping newsletter subscription, and a $34 Uber receipt to and from a sportsbook in Atlantic City.
Rachel's justification, submitted in a 900-word memo titled "Immersive Market Research: A Case Study in Consumer Behavior," argued that her losses were "essential field research" that gave her "firsthand insight into the user experience of modern sports wagering platforms." She further noted that "you can't write about gambling without gambling" and referenced Hunter S. Thompson as precedent.
The accounting department rejected the expense report. Rachel appealed. The appeal was denied. Rachel filed a second appeal with a revised memo titled "Immersive Market Research: A Case Study in Consumer Behavior (Revised With Charts)." The charts were screenshots of her DraftKings loss summary with red arrows drawn on them in MS Paint. This appeal was also denied.
Severity: HighExpense report denied. Rachel was reminded that gambling losses are not tax-deductible, not reimbursable, and not "research" regardless of how many charts accompany the submission. The Hunter S. Thompson defense was specifically addressed and rejected. Rachel's expense account now has a $50 daily cap and requires pre-approval for any charge over $25.
Brian K. has not completed a single deliverable since the NFL Wild Card round began on January 3, 2026. His Jira board shows 14 tickets assigned with zero movement. His last Slack message was "LFG" followed by an eagle emoji, sent on January 6 at 8:12 PM, which was not during work hours and was also not sent in a work channel.
A review of Brian's browser history (conducted with IT approval) revealed the following activity during business hours over the past two weeks: 412 visits to ESPN.com, 289 visits to various sportsbook apps, 67 visits to a parlay calculator website, 14 visits to a website called "Can I Get Fired for Not Working," and 1 visit to LinkedIn (presumably to update his resume).
When confronted, Brian stated he was "in a flow state" and that "the playoffs only happen once a year." He then asked his manager if he wanted in on a divisional round parlay. His manager said no. His manager then privately asked IT to confirm that his browser history was not also being monitored.
Severity: HighBrian was placed on a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) and given 30 days to complete his backlog. He asked if the PIP could be paused during the Super Bowl. It cannot. Brian's access to ESPN.com has been blocked on the company network. He now uses his phone's hotspot, which HR is aware of but has decided is not their problem.
Angela has been booking Conference Room B every Thursday from 12:00-1:00 PM under the event title "Cross-Functional Wellness Initiative." The actual meeting is a bad beat support group where employees share their worst losses from the previous week.
The format, per Angela's agenda (which was accidentally CC'd to the entire department), includes: "Opening Share" (worst beat of the week), "Group Reflection" (everyone says "that's brutal" in unison), "Coping Strategies" (which is just people saying "I'm going to win it back this weekend"), and "Closing Affirmation" (everyone says "the line was wrong, not me" together).
The group has a Slack channel (#bad-beat-thursdays, 47 members), a shared Google Doc tracking cumulative losses (currently at $34,200 across all members since October), and a logo that Angela designed during work hours using company design software. The logo is a flaming dumpster with a bet slip inside it. It is, admittedly, well-designed.
Severity: Low (Honestly Kind of Wholesome)HR initially moved to shut down the group but reversed course after receiving a petition signed by 47 employees arguing it was "the only meeting that actually helps morale." The group was allowed to continue on the condition that they rename it from "Cross-Functional Wellness Initiative" to anything that doesn't sound like an official company program. It is now called "Thursday Coping Hour." The logo was approved for use on personal items only.
On the evening of January 20, Tyler sent 73 consecutive messages to the company #general Slack channel documenting the real-time collapse of his 8-leg parlay. The messages began optimistically ("LEG 1 HIT LET'S GO") and descended into increasingly unhinged territory over the course of the evening.
Notable messages from the transcript include: Message #14: "5 legs in. I can taste the money. It tastes like freedom." Message #31: "Why is Luka not shooting. SHOOT THE BALL LUKA." Message #47: "I am going to be sick." Message #58: "Does anyone know if you can return a parlay. Like to the store." Message #67: "I just did the math on what I've lost this month and I need to lie down." Message #73: "Goodnight. I am done. I am not done. I'll be back tomorrow."
22 employees filed complaints. 8 employees asked to be added to a dedicated channel for future narrations. Tyler's manager described the situation as "deeply concerning but also the most engaged the #general channel has been all quarter."
Severity: MediumTyler was given a formal warning about "appropriate use of company communication platforms." A new Slack channel (#parlay-narrations) was created by popular demand and is now the third most active channel in the company behind #general and #random. Tyler posts there nightly. His narrations have been described by coworkers as "gripping" and "better than most podcasts." HR has given up.