Team,

As we enter another fiscal year, I wanted to share my thoughts on where this company is headed. But first, let me address the elephant in the room: yes, there was an elephant in the building last Tuesday. No, I don't know how it got there. No, we will not be discussing this further. Legal has advised silence, and for once, I'm listening to Legal.

I want our competitors to wake up at 3 AM thinking about us. I want their children to ask, "Daddy, why does that company haunt your dreams?" I want our brand to be synonymous with "inevitable."

About Raises

Some of you have asked about raises. The answer is yes, but metaphorically. We're all raising ourselves—spiritually, professionally, and in terms of the number of hours we spend in this building. Speaking of which, I've noticed the parking lot empties by 6 PM. In MY day, we didn't leave until the janitor made eye contact. Something to aspire to.

My "Wellness Sabbatical"

I want to address the rumors about my "wellness sabbatical" last month. I was NOT in rehab. I was at a "leadership intensive" in the mountains. The fact that there were horses and feelings involved is coincidental. I learned a lot about myself. Mostly that I'm right about everything, which I already suspected.

Team,

It has come to my attention that some of you have been TOUCHING THE THERMOSTAT. Let me be clear: the thermostat is set to 68 degrees. It will remain at 68 degrees. This is not a suggestion. This is not open for discussion. The thermostat is LAW.

I understand that some of you are "cold." I understand others are "hot." What I don't understand is why you think your personal comfort supersedes my carefully calibrated environmental strategy. Do you think I chose 68 degrees arbitrarily? I consulted with three climate experts, a feng shui specialist (before we fired him over the ping pong incident), and my personal trainer.

New Security Measures

Going forward, the thermostat will be locked inside a tamper-proof case. The case will be inside a locked closet. The closet will be guarded by Carl from Facilities, who has been authorized to ask uncomfortable questions of anyone who approaches.

If you are cold, we have company-branded fleeces available for purchase ($75). If you are hot, we have company-branded fans available ($45, batteries not included). If you are both, I question your ability to assess your own internal state.

Team,

I'm writing to you today with a heavy heart. As many of you know, I submitted a proposal for a TED Talk titled "Synergy is a Love Language: Redefining Corporate Intimacy in the Digital Age." I was confident. I was prepared. I had a red turtleneck and everything.

They said no.

Not just no—they said my proposal was "incoherent," "potentially concerning," and "not actually about technology, entertainment, or design." They called my central thesis—that companies should view employee relationships as romantic partnerships without the romance—"troubling."

The New Plan

Instead of TED, I will be delivering my talk in the main conference room next Thursday. Attendance is MANDATORY. Snacks will not be provided because this is a serious intellectual endeavor, not a pizza party. The talk will run approximately 90 minutes, followed by a 2-hour Q&A where I will answer questions but only if they're about how much the talk inspired you.

I remain your CEO. TED doesn't define me. I define TED. They just don't know it yet.

Team,

By now you've noticed the construction on the roof. Some of you have asked questions. Most of you have just stared upward with confused expressions during lunch breaks. Allow me to explain.

I am building a new CEO office on the roof of our building. This is not because I need more space. This is not because I want to be separate from you—though, let's be honest, some separation is healthy. This is because GREAT LEADERS NEED ALTITUDE.

From my new rooftop office, I will be able to see the entire campus, the highway, and—on clear days—what I believe is the competitor's parking lot. Intelligence gathering through elevation.

The Design

The office will feature floor-to-ceiling windows, a small putting green, a meditation corner facing exactly east, and a fireman's pole for quick descents to emergency board meetings. The pole was my architect's idea. The architect was my nephew. He's 23 and "really into vibes." I trust him completely.

Some concerns have been raised about "weather" and "safety." To those I say: my commitment to this company is not deterred by rain. I will have umbrellas. Multiple umbrellas. An umbrella closet.

Team,

It has come to my attention—because Tyler told me directly, while showing me photos of his new yacht—that our summer intern is now worth more than my annual salary. Significantly more. Enough more that he offered to "invest for me" and I had to pretend I didn't need investment advice from a 22-year-old.

I want to be clear: I am HAPPY for Tyler. This is not jealousy. This is a CEO being supportive of his team's success, even when that success makes him question every financial decision he's made since 1987.

Some Thoughts

First, Tyler's wealth does not change his role here. He is still an intern. He still needs to make copies. The copies need to be collated. I don't care if he can buy the copy machine company—and apparently he can—he will collate those copies.

Second, I have begun my own cryptocurrency research. My nephew (the architect) recommended something called "SafeMoonElonDoge." I invested $50,000. I am confident this will even the playing field by Q2.

Third, Tyler has offered to buy the company. I have declined. This company is not for sale. This company is my legacy. Also, Legal said we can't accept offers handwritten on a napkin.

Team,

First off, I want to say WOW. Just WOW. This week has been a JOURNEY. I did a lot of thinking on my new electric scooter (more on that later) and I've come to some POWERFUL realizations about where we're headed as a company.

Now, some of you have been asking about Q1 projections. I want to be transparent with you because that's the kind of leader I am: I haven't looked at them yet. Numbers are important, but you know what's MORE important? VISION. And I have SO much vision right now.

This Week's Insights

I was at the gym on Tuesday (crushed a new PR on deadlifts, by the way - 315 lbs, ask me about it) and I had a thought: What if we treated our company like we treat our BODIES? Stay with me here. We need to FLEX. We need to GROW. We need to occasionally look at ourselves in the mirror and think "yeah, that's a winner."

I shared this with the board. They said "Chad, this is a financial review meeting." But I could see in their eyes that they GOT it.

Regarding the Holiday Party

I've been informed that photos of me dressed as Santa are "circulating" and being used as "leverage." I want to address this directly: I CHOSE to wear that costume. It was a POWER MOVE. Santa is a CEO too, when you think about it. He runs a global operation. He has employees. He rewards performance.

Whoever is using those photos knows what they're doing, and honestly? I respect the hustle.

A Poem About Leadership

I wrote that in 10 minutes. Some people spend their whole lives trying to create art like that.

About My Scooter

Quick update on the Segway Ninebot Max G2. Incredible machine. I've been riding it through the office to "stay connected with the team." Some people say it's "disruptive" and "nearly hit Carol." I say it's INNOVATION.

Leadership isn't about staying still. It's about MOVING. Sometimes at 18.6 mph through the marketing department.

Final Thoughts

Some of you have been putting in complaints about my newsletters. I want you to know: I read every single one. I keep them in a special folder. I reflect on them. Then I write MORE newsletters, because I believe in GROWTH.

Your feedback makes me stronger. Your resistance makes me more determined. Your confusion means you're not thinking BIG enough yet. But you will. I'll make sure of it.

Remember: Winners win. Losers lose. Everyone else just works here.

Team,

Happy New Year! I spent my holiday break at a LEADERSHIP RETREAT in Aspen. While everyone else was skiing, I was in the hot tub, thinking about YOU. About US. About what we're going to ACCOMPLISH in 2026.

I had a conversation with a guy named Steve at the bar. Steve sells pharmaceutical supplies. Steve told me something that changed my life: "Sometimes you just gotta go for it, dude." PROFOUND. I wrote it on a napkin. That napkin is now framed in my office.

2026 Goals

This year, we're going to:

1. Disrupt something (TBD what)
2. Innovate aggressively
3. Synergize our core competencies
4. Probably do some sort of rebrand
5. Win

I've already told the board this. They asked "what does any of this mean, specifically?" and I said "it means WINNING, Barbara." Barbara left the meeting early. She'll come around.

Handling Criticism

I've been told that my newsletters are "too long," "not relevant to work," and "genuinely concerning." I want to address this head-on: I hear you. I see you. And I'm going to keep doing exactly what I'm doing, because LEADERS don't change for FOLLOWERS.

That's just basic leadership math.

To the 47 people who complained about last month's newsletter where I reviewed my Peloton instructor's outfits: You're welcome for the content. Most people PAY for that kind of insight.

Team,

I'll keep this short because I'm about to board a private plane (not THAT private, it's shared with seven other executives, but still). The point is: I've been right about everything this year. Let's review:

1. Q3 - I said "we'd figure it out." We did. (The accountants figured it out, but leadership is about delegation.)
2. The merger talks - I said "this feels weird." It was. They committed fraud.
3. The holiday party - I PREDICTED it would be memorable. It was. HR has the documentation.

The Key to Success

People ask me, "Chad, how are you always right?" Here's my secret: I only remember the times I was right. The other times? Never happened. That's called POSITIVE MINDSET.

Try it sometime. Forget your failures. Only remember your wins. Suddenly, you're undefeated.

Anyway, my plane is boarding. First class, window seat. The guy next to me looks like he sells insurance. I'm going to tell him about synergy.