Corporate announced they were installing AI meeting transcription "to improve productivity and accountability." Translation: everything you've ever said in a Teams call is now searchable, timestamped, and waiting patiently to destroy you.
Within three days, HR had opened fourteen investigations. Not because people were doing anything illegal. Because the AI heard everything. Every off-handed comment about the parking situation. Every muttered "this could've been an email" that used to die in the ether. Every single time someone said "I don't get paid enough for this" while thinking their mic was muted. Spoiler: the mic is never muted. The AI heard. The AI remembered. The AI told.
Here's what the transcription caught last week:
• Derek from Sales calling the new CRM "designed by someone who hates us"
• Two project managers agreeing that the deadline was "fiction"
• Someone saying "I'm going to scream" followed by a five-second audio gap where they presumably screamed
• My own voice saying "who approved this" eleven times in one hour
• A hot mic moment where Janet described her manager as "sentient furniture"
Janet got written up. Derek is on a PIP. The project managers are fine because they're project managers and literally nothing stops them. I'm currently operating under the assumption that everything I say is being recorded, analyzed, and filed in a folder labeled "Future Termination Evidence."
The worst part? The AI tries to be helpful. It sends summaries. It highlights "action items." It sends follow-up emails that say things like "Based on the discussion, it seems there may be confusion about project scope" which is corporate AI speak for "you people have no idea what you're doing and I have the receipts."
Someone asked in a meeting if we could turn it off. The AI transcribed that too. It noted the request. It did not honor it. It never will.
We are all just content for the machine now. Every sigh. Every eye roll someone verbalized because video was off. Every "sure, sounds great" that meant "absolutely not." Preserved forever. Searchable by keyword. Ready to surface in your next performance review.
The future is here and it is taking notes.