The annual company retreat at Lake Tahoe has been declared a "total disaster" after employee Marcus Chen actually followed through on his claim of not drinking alcohol. "We thought he was just being polite," said event organizer Brenda Spirits. "We budgeted $8,000 for an open bar. Marcus drank sparkling water and asked if anyone wanted to play board games. It was incredibly uncomfortable for everyone."
Colleagues report that Marcus's sobriety created an "oppressive atmosphere of self-awareness" that prevented the usual retreat bonding activities. "Normally by 9 PM, Steve from Accounting is doing karaoke and we all pretend it didn't happen on Monday," explained one attendee. "But Marcus just sat there, fully present, watching everything with clear eyes. It was like being observed by a nature documentary crew."
The situation escalated when Marcus offered to be the designated driver for the group's winery tour. "He drove perfectly safely, followed all traffic laws, and maintained appropriate conversation volume," reported visibly distressed participant Karen Wines. "At one point he asked about our quarterly goals. During a wine tour. The man is a sociopath."
HR has scheduled a mandatory post-retreat debrief to address "team cohesion challenges." Sources indicate the primary topic will be how to handle future situations where employees' stated preferences are actually true. "We need protocols for this," admitted Brenda. "What if next year someone says they're vegetarian and then actually doesn't eat the steak? We're not prepared."
Marcus has since submitted a suggestion to replace next year's retreat with a "volunteer day at a local animal shelter." The suggestion has received zero votes. The open bar budget for 2027 has been increased to $12,000.