The Divisional Round is here and I've already made peace with my financial decisions. Not good peace. The kind of peace a man makes with a grizzly bear while slowly backing toward a cliff. The Bills are plus-money in Denver and my brain, my stupid beautiful broken brain, has decided this is a gift from the gambling gods.
Let me walk you through my logic, which is to say let me walk you through the crime scene of my reasoning. Buffalo just beat Jacksonville. Cool. They won 27-24 while rushing for 79 yards, which is their worst of the season. The Jaguars have the best rush defense in the league and the Bills couldn't run a lemonade stand against them. Denver also has a top-five rush defense. Do you see where this is going? Because I refuse to.
Here's my thesis: Josh Allen is built different. Altitude doesn't matter. Home field doesn't matter. The fact that Denver hasn't lost at home in the playoffs since I had hope for my future doesn't matter. None of it matters because I FEEL like the Bills are going to win, and feelings are definitely how you should manage money.
I looked at the 49ers and Seahawks game too. San Francisco is 8-2 against the spread on the road. They just beat the defending Super Bowl champions. George Kittle's Achilles is shredded like my bankroll after last week but I'm sure that's fine. Kyle Shanahan always figures it out except when he doesn't, which is historically at the worst possible moment.
The Bears are getting 4.5 at home against the Rams and I've already convinced myself that Ben Johnson is a genius. He was a genius in Detroit. He's a genius in Chicago. He'll be a genius right up until the moment Matthew Stafford throws a 60-yard dime to destroy my parlay and I remember that playoff experience is actually a thing.
My bankroll management strategy: What bankroll? I'm operating on vibes and a vague sense that the universe owes me one after that backdoor cover last week that the universe definitely does not owe me.
Saturday at 4:30 PM I will be seated, beverage in hand, watching the Bills attempt to prove me right. By 7:30 PM I will either be insufferable or applying for a loan. There is no middle ground. This is the way.
See you on the other side. Bring snacks. I won't be able to afford any.