A routine software update went catastrophically wrong yesterday when the IT department accidentally pushed Tinder to all 2,300 company-owned devices. By the time the error was discovered, 847 employees had already created profiles, 156 matches had been made within the company, and the CEO had swiped right on his own executive assistant.
"We were trying to install Microsoft Teams updates," explained IT Manager Derek Solutions, visibly sweating. "Somehow the deployment package got mixed up with... other software. We're still investigating how a dating app was in our enterprise repository. Kevin claims he doesn't know anything about it. Kevin is lying."
HR has been in continuous emergency session since 9 AM. The main concerns: employees matching with their direct reports, employees matching with their direct competitors (three users were identified as working for rival companies), and one employee who matched with the company's official LinkedIn page, which apparently counts as an entity now.
The IT team attempted to remotely uninstall the app at 11:30 AM, but this triggered a bug that instead posted everyone's profiles to the company's internal Slack. "In retrospect," Derek admitted, "we should have tested the uninstall script first. And maybe not had Kevin write it."
By 3 PM, #TinderGate was trending on the company's internal social platform. By 4 PM, someone had set up a betting pool on which executive matches would result in HR investigations. By 5 PM, the CEO issued a statement reminding everyone that "company devices are for professional use only" while reportedly still swiping during the press conference.
The app has now been successfully removed. The trauma remains.