Randall Duckhull tried to keep his business alive during the worst economic collapse in modern history. What did the SBA give him? A nonstop barrage of copy-paste emails, mindless form rejections, and the same request for the same documents about 34 times. You’d think they were trying to recreate Groundhog Day, but with W2s and bank statements.
This man poured everything he had into staying afloat. Meanwhile, the fraudsters were thriving. Fake businesses, stolen identities, and scammers with burner phones got funded within days. But Randall? Nothing. Nada. Just stress, overdraft fees, and phone calls that led to some desk jockey watching Wheel of Fortune while pretending to give a shit.
Let’s talk incompetence. Randall once faxed his documents in the morning, uploaded them in the afternoon, and then emailed them again by dinnertime because each department claimed they never received them. You’d have better luck sending your paperwork by pigeon. Blind pigeon.
The whole process was a sick joke. The SBA spent more time “reviewing” than the IRS does on audit day. They killed real businesses with red tape while they handed out free money to anyone with an Instagram hustle. Randall lost his livelihood because a desk monkey couldn't figure out how to open a PDF.
So here’s your reminder. When they say they’re here to help, double check your wallet. Then call Randall and ask him what that help looked like. Spoiler alert, it looked a whole lot like getting kicked in the balls by a bureaucratic donkey.