Let me set the scene: It's 8:43 AM on a Tuesday. I'm half-awake, nursing my third coffee, trying to forward my therapist's homework assignment ("List 5 things that bring you joy") to my personal email. Instead, I hit "Reply All" to the quarterly earnings thread. 847 employees. Every single one.
Within seconds, my inbox exploded. First came the confusion: "Is this a team-building exercise?" Then the concern: "Are you okay, Bradley?" Then, worst of all, the engagement: "I also struggle with setting boundaries! We should start a support group!" No. Absolutely not. I did not open this door for community healing.
By 9:15 AM, HR had scheduled a "wellness check." By 10:00 AM, my therapist had raised her rates. By noon, someone had created a Slack channel called #bradleys-joy-list and people were contributing. Kevin from Legal's submission? "Proving people wrong in court." Janet from Marketing? "The sound of my enemies weeping." I work with actual psychopaths.
The worst part? Number 4 on my list was "the silence of an empty office." My colleagues now think I hate them. Which, to be fair, I didn't. Until today. Now I understand why number 5 was supposed to be "healthy boundaries in professional settings."
My therapist says this is a growth opportunity. I say this is why I have trust issues with technology and will be communicating exclusively through handwritten letters delivered by carrier pigeon from now on. You want quarterly earnings? Send a bird.