Noelle Sterling
"'Tis the season for questionable decisions."
Every office has that person who takes the holiday party too seriously. Noelle IS that person, except she somehow makes it work. The decorations are aggressive, the Secret Santa has a $500 minimum, and there's always a moment around 11 PM where someone confesses something to HR that can't be taken back. She calls this "team building."
Her year-end reviews are legendary - not for the content, but for the presentation. Last year involved a live string quartet, a fog machine, and a PowerPoint that made two directors cry (happy tears, allegedly). She's already planning next year's party theme. The budget request made Finance physically recoil.
She once convinced the board to approve a $47,000 ice sculpture of the company logo. It melted in three hours. She considers this "a metaphor for the fleeting nature of corporate achievement" and not, as others suggested, "a massive waste of money."
Confirmed Events from Last Year's Holiday Party
- 11:23 PM - The CFO did karaoke to "All I Want for Christmas Is You" (video circulating)
- 11:47 PM - Someone proposed. It was rejected. They still work together.
- 12:15 AM - The HR director was found sleeping in a giant gift box
- 12:34 AM - The Secret Santa gifts were opened; three people cried, one quit on the spot
- 1:02 AM - Security was called (routine, apparently)
- 2:30 AM - Noelle was the last one standing. As always.
December Achievements
- Threw company holiday party that's now legally considered "a workplace incident"
- Got "Champagne Thursdays" approved for the entire month of December
- Organized Secret Santa that exposed three workplace affairs
- Convinced the CEO to dress as Santa (the photos are being used as leverage)
- Set up office decorations so elaborate OSHA had to do a walkthrough
- Ended the year with exactly zero regrets and one restraining order (unrelated, allegedly)