Svetlana Darkwood

"Have you tried turning it off and never turning it back on?"

Svetlana came to BDI after a "career pivot" from her previous job at a mortuary, where she developed an unsettling ability to make people feel uncomfortable in complete silence. She now works in IT support, where her dead-eyed stare has reduced ticket response times by 73% - mostly because employees are too afraid to submit tickets.

Her desk is decorated with what she claims are "stress balls" but nobody has been brave enough to squeeze them. She takes her coffee black, her music darker, and her revenge cold. HR has asked her to stop referring to computer crashes as "mercy killings."

When asked about her hobbies, she simply said "waiting" and maintained eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time. She has never been late to work because, according to several witnesses, she never actually leaves.