Jade Monroe
"Summer's here. So is your worst decision."
They said the company pool party would be "team building." They didn't mention Jade. She showed up with a cooler that definitely wasn't just holding La Croix, convinced three managers to do karaoke, and somehow got the CEO to admit he's never actually read a quarterly report. The photos are still circulating on the internal Slack. IT has given up trying to delete them.
Before joining BDI, Jade was banned from two cruise lines and one all-inclusive resort in Cancun for reasons that remain legally sealed. Her emergency contact is listed as "good luck" and her out-of-office message simply says "I'm out. Don't be boring while I'm gone."
She invented "Wet Wednesday" - a weekly team event HR has tried to shut down fourteen times. It keeps coming back. Nobody knows how she gets the permits. Nobody asks anymore.
June Achievements
- Organized pool party that resulted in 3 promotions and 2 divorces
- Successfully smuggled a margarita machine into the conference room
- Convinced the CFO to approve "hydration budget" of $15,000
- Set company record for most "out of office" auto-replies in a single month
- Taught the entire sales team the Macarena (during a board meeting)
- Got "casual Friday" extended to "casual always" for her department