Harper Frost
"Pass the wine. Hold the judgment."
Harper is the only person in company history to successfully mediate a hostile merger negotiation AND a family Thanksgiving in the same week. Both involved screaming, someone storming out, and a last-minute resolution that left everyone slightly dissatisfied but technically functional. She considers this a specialty.
She's the one you call when the vibes are off and the only solution is brutal honesty delivered with a warm smile. Her Thanksgiving potluck contribution is always wine. Not wine and something else. Just wine. Multiple bottles. She's read the room. She knows what the team needs.
Her calendar has "Wine Time" blocked every day from 4:30 PM onward. Nobody questions it. The one person who did was reassigned to the Siberian branch office. (Yes, we apparently have one. Harper arranged it.)
Harper's Wine Pairing Guide for Corporate Disasters
- Hostile Takeover: Cabernet Sauvignon (full-bodied, aggressive, will fight back)
- Layoffs Announcement: Pinot Grigio (light, detached, helps you float above it all)
- Failed Product Launch: Champagne (might as well celebrate something)
- HR Complaint: Merlot (smooth enough to forget, rich enough to not care)
- Budget Meeting: Box Wine (because you know how this ends)
- Company Holiday Party: Anything over 15% ABV (survival mode activated)
November Achievements
- Mediated three-way screaming match at company potluck (everyone hugged afterward)
- Introduced "Wine Wednesdays" (and Tuesdays, and Thursdays, and...)
- Convinced feuding departments to share a pie (metaphorically and literally)
- Successfully avoided all conversations about politics, religion, AND sports
- Got the CEO to admit he was wrong about something (first time in company history)
- Organized office "Friendsgiving" that only resulted in minor property damage